There’s nothing wrong with giving a shoutout to your industry rivals. Sometimes they even help support the work you do in ways that you’re not willing to.

I wonder how that works in her family. Is each generation building upon the last so they are the best mom ever?

Class divisions are still very much alive and well. The rich get richer with all the fancy tax breaks, and the poor stay broke and can’t get out of debt.

Sometimes you just have to step away from all the craziness of the world and laugh a little. It makes “coming out” a whole lot easier!

This brother from the same mother is confirming the truth about size once and for all. He swears that his is a lot bigger!

Yeah, but what do atheists know? It’s a lot cheaper to feed a Christian – all you gotta do is give them a loaf of bread and a fish, and they’re set for life.

@wegotabad:

“How do you feed a Christian? Communion wafers?”

@Pungent Sauce:

“But then what do I feed my lion?”

I like the gym teacher’s math a lot better. The same amount of money = more fun!

The IT guy was just messing around. But, it looks like you’ve been put in your place twice now!

@giguga:

“I love the black I keys!”

Sometimes non-Americans get confused about the way we abbreviate our dates. But, here’s some clarification that will totally clear up all that confusion!

Well if you’re going to spite someone, that’d be the best way to do it. Oh, and then there’s also this to consider:

@audriuska12:

“Daylight savings time?”

It really is hard sometimes! And other times you just want to completely forget that it’s there.

@brettk041011:

“This is the definition of correct.”

@Mathemalologiser:

“*erect”

No really. It’s NOT his president if he’s from another country!

It sucks, but it’s true. If you don’t have a garage, you can never be a billionaire.

Oops, let me take that back. It’s only 99% correct since there is a 1% error rate.

Great takeaway! When you compare them to a bottle of Coke, they’re actually saints of the sugar world!

@gingernuts:

“I would totally eat 6 donuts and be no worse off than drinking 1 coke.”

It’s just like a male peacock who fluffs up his feathers when he wants to make himself look good to the ladies. It’s all in the delivery.

Well, he did kind of set himself up for failure. You can’t argue against that kind of logic!

The truth isn’t always pretty. But when your Disney illusions get shattered, just cheer yourself up with this question:

@mrwillman:

“The real question is, who had the best singing crab?”

Did aliens teach ancient humans how to build pyramids? Or is the real answer something less conspiracy-like and more practical?

It’s correct because dad jokes are inherently correct. Everyone knows that!

It was the perfectly correct answer to give in that situation. It’s not his fault some people can’t handle his genius.

The answer is pretty clear. Also, you’re supposed to take ibuprofen BEFORE you get some Richard.

This is the most correct joke ever! No lawyer will be able to argue against this kind of concrete evidence.

How could we not see just how deceitful they’ve been? The media is built on lies, and this just proves it!

The truth is, we’ve had it backwards all this time. Everytime we have a funeral, it’s like we’re catering a dinner party for the plants.

Google assistant is just doing her job and handing out dad jokes to those in need. Look, she’s even giving you that little winky face to prove just how smart and correct she is!

Millennials don’t have time for that. They’re too busy trying to get a job and survive real life.

Google totally should have waited for a sale. If only it had Googled itself to find one.

Sure, you could probably do it with a jaguar. But it’s just a once-in-a-lifetime thing and you’re not likely to get a second chance, so make those last precious seconds last.

That’s what friends are for. They don’t sugarcoat the dark truth!

@rasterbated:

“Say what you like about Hitler. But he was the guy that killed Hitler.”

He visits lots of different places during the course of his workday. Just wait until he tells her that he gets work bonuses every day too.

No need to do any additional scientific studies on this one. Science is 100% correct in their hypothesis. Just ask any kid of parents who had no children.

@osliver88:

“It’s insane how many of my friends have or had parents at one point or another in their lives. It’s pretty much an epidemic in our country.”

Sometimes you just have to read between the lines. But in this case, it’s written right there in front of you.

This is what happens when dad calls in sick to work. He starts puking up bad dad jokes like crazy!

Sometimes you have to speak the truth in social media terms in order for some people to get it. But, it’s hard to really say who’s really winning here.

What better way to fake footage of a fake moon landing, than to film it on location… on the moon. That’ll really get all the conspiracy theorists all shook!

Ask about a dad joke, and get a dad joke in return. That’s how dad jokes work.

@mentalsewage:

“Don’t you think it should be fully groan before it becomes apparent?”

Even if we’re wrong about climate change, we’re still right. It’s about this only time where being wrong isn’t such a bad thing.

It’s true! Elon Musk on weed is much better than /r/showerthoughts!

Americans love to point out just how much we like to go to war with other countries. And yes, going to war with each other still counts!