The divorce rate in America is plummeting. That means that there’s never been a better time to laugh at a good-humored marriage joke!
People have been getting married for thousands of years, meaning there are thousands of marriage jokes out there. Obviously, not all of them are kind-hearted. But below we’ve compiled 35 that should make married couples of all kinds laugh.
Yes, every married couple is unique. But then again, there are things that occur in almost every marriage. That means practically anyone who has ever been married should be able to relate to the following jokes!
I’m in Charge, If My Wife Says So
Many people ask married couples which one wears the pants in their relationship. This shirt puts a new spin on that question, by letting the husband wear the item of clothing that tells everyone his wife is the boss.
It turns out that the perfect antidote to sexism is a good slice of plastic. Wait, what?! This husband recently made a sexist joke about his wife being a sandwich maker. She took it to him by making a delicious sandwich, with a twist. It turns out that the cheese slice inside the sandwich still had the plastic wrapper on. The husband didn’t realize until he tried to take a bite. The results are below.
A prehistoric attitude toward marriage, literally
Of all the beautiful marriage metaphors, this must be the most terrifying. It’s no joke that marriage can be difficult. But that doesn’t mean we can’t joke about it!
So many married couples see one partner taking on a majority of the household responsibilities. When the other takes it on, they often want excessive praise. This image sums that moment up perfectly.
When you’re married, you share everything, even money. Right? Just so long as the wife gets to spend it all.
The big decisions, like what color to paint your wall, should be joint decisions. Otherwise, disaster could ensue. This paint store appears to know that only too well.
The Anticipointment Gloat
We all get worked up over stupid things. When they, inevitably, turn out to be crap, your spouse can always be relied upon to gloat over it.
Every Shopping Experience Ever
“Let’s go shopping together, so we can split apart and look at completely different things when we get to the store.”
When you spend 90% of your time looking at the TV, wives can only resort to one thing. Perhaps for millennials, this should be a cell phone?
In one ear, out the other
Perhaps this is why the millennial divorce rate is so low? They were born for this kind of situation. After all, they’ve been agreeing to terms and conditions online since they could walk.
This sounds so sweet, at first glance. Hopefully, this ends happily.
If Only It Were That Easy
Every spouse wishes that there was something that would adjust their partner’s view to theirs.
Some People Squeeze a Stress Ball. But Others…
Everyone has their coping techniques for arguments. This one’s a little extreme, though.
Marriage Counselling in One Image
This artist has perfectly captured the differences between married couples. When they go to the marriage counselor, it’s just stating the obvious!
When Husbands Have to do Anything on Their Own
Why spend some time making something unique when you can just buy it? $20 lunches aren’t economical, but they’re damn easy.
This Joke Gets Dark Real Fast
Technically, this joke should say, “like a card game.” To have a deck of cards, you need four full suits and a pair of jokers.
The Only Thing That Ages This Shirt Is the Google Logo
Wives are still just as wise.
When He Admits To A Mistake
This happens every so often. The honesty. The collapsing can usually be controlled.
The Different Definitions of “Making An Effort”
We’ve all been there. We didn’t realize that they expected a small amount of effort to be made. My bad.
The middle of the bed can so easily become an impassible boundary when you piss your spouse off.
Arguments About Laundry Must Go Back To The Dawn of Time
This image shows that people have been complaining about the other’s strewn clothing, even before clothing was a thing.
Do you know what your spouse is thinking? They’ll probably deny it, but you know better.
When People Get Married, They Become Each Other’s Most Important Thing
When The Hearing Goes But The Love Remains
Some people renew their vowes. It can also take them back to school. (Just remember, Y can also be a vowel.)
Every Wife Has Experienced Something Like This
In time, men can remember to put the seat down. Years of bachelorhood are hard to shrug off though.
Sometimes, Embarrassing Habits Happen in Public
They’re so easy to slip into. But, hey, that’s everyone else’s problem!
The Second Dog Based Joke
Pets take precedence. Always.
The Only Things You Need To Listen To In Life
How many men would love to actually install one of these, do you think?
Married To a Backseat Driver?
Anyone who married someone who thinks they always know the best way to drive will relate to this.
The Second Driving One In a Row
It’s something that both husbands and wives experience.
The Pace of Conversations
Things get slower as you get older.
There’s An Easy Way To Do Anything
On the plus side, who doesn’t love hot dogs?
When Someone Tries To Cook For The First Time In Ages
This is why chores should always be shared.
I Guess That This Would Technically Be a Fiance Joke
This is also more just advice than a joke but still funny.
And Lastly, a Solemn Reminder for all the Husbands
As you can see, there are many, many marriage jokes out there. All highlight certain truths. Do you think any of these relate to your marriage or any married couples you know?
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