Babies and toddlers may look all cute and cuddly when they smile and coo at you. But, not all kiddos are born with innocent halos on their heads.
In fact, some of the tiny tykes who crawl out of the womb are nothing more than punks, thugs, and world-dominating gangstas! The only rules they play by are mob boss rules, and even then they might surprise you with their cheeky lawlessness.
From the irreverent tot cop who constantly blocks in the neighbor’s car with his mini cooper, to the high flying ladies man who’s got lots of swagger, here are 75 of the most badass boss babies ever known to man.
1) “This baby was a mob boss in his previous life.”
Baby Putin is looking scary serious about his little water empire. Better not piss him off or he’ll feed you to the fish!
@nilsneo:
“But, now you come to me, and you say: “Baby Corleone, give me justice.” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godbaby. Instead, you come into my house on the day my rubber duckie is to be christened in this here pool, and you ask me to do murder for money.”
3) “My son has been in a NICU for over a month now, this is his reaction when a nurse comes in.”
Awww, he’s probably tired of being messed with all the time. Don’t get too close to this cutie, or he’ll pop one of his tiny little dukes right in the kisser!
@jpparkenbone:
“I am concerned for that nurse’s well-being. Your son is about to kick some ass.”
While all eyes are on Dr. Evil and his imminent poop coup, everyone is missing out on the fact that the little girl on the left is high as a kite and throwing up gang signs. She’s the one who’s going to grow up to be the real troublemaker in this family!
@IDidNotGoToUniversity:
“I wager that evil mini-genius is going to decimate diaper city with a poop bomb probably currently doing so.”
11) “My son is only 5 days old and already has seen some sh*t.”
Well, by all rights, he’s seen more than his fair share. He just spent 9 months locked up in solitary, was forced fed the same food every single day, and he had absolutely no one to talk to. When he tried to kick at the wall to get some attention, everyone still ignored him.
@lalalilu:
“Omg he looks like my 96-year-old Chinese grandmother.”
So this is where it all started for Chucky from Child’s Play. Look at the anger and frustration on his face – no wonder he turned into a serial killer!
@Maja Laimaa:
“Omg I almost just peed myself.”
@Sas:
“She blew! Her hair moves AFTER the candle was blown by this little rascall! He is just mad he is too late!! Haha but this spoils it right?”
Heyyyyy girl! I saved up all my airline miles to get this first class seat just for you. Now come sit down next to mack daddy so I can show you the world!
@NotACreativeName1:
“Man is he going to enjoy this picture when he’s older.”
@Christinabanana:
“Kid’s so fly he’s already taken the plane to 50,000 ft.”
He just be chillin’, gettin’ crunk in his playpen, and throwing up gang signs with his pissed off tiger! What else do you expect from the neighborhood’s most notorious crack-nip dealer?
Baby Godfather giving advice to his fam: “Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.” Pray that day never comes, sweet little ones! He might ask you to do something too terrible to comprehend, like change his stinky diapers after a night out at Taco Bell.
@carolhoun:
“I already know which ones going to be the boss!!!! Lol”
20) “My friend’s son is definitely going to be a villain in a few years…”
In this edition of Dr. Evil: The Infant Years, baby Evil practices watching the world burn by starting a fire in the wood-burning stove. Up next, little baldy adds a white cat and monocle to his “World Domination” wish list on Amazon.
@Fiss:
“You were right, Admiral Fluffybear. Your days of failing me are indeed over. In fact, your stuffing is proving the perfect fire-starter.”
Don’t mess with baby Arnold Palmer and his juice box. ‘Cause this golf thug’s piercing death stare says that you might find yourself on the receiving end of his driving iron!
You ain’t got nuthin’ on this Baby Gap kiddo! With all-American bleach blonde good looks, cheeky red suspenders, and just the right number of toes and fingers, no one can resist this cool breeze of a toddler.
Officers pulled over this underage menace after she’d been caught driving erratically in da ‘hood. Her parents ratted her out and told the cops that she’d already “had a couple of bottles that morning.”
30) C’mon, hurry up and hide!
The parental units are after us! Let’s crawl in here before they find out what we did to the walls.
So, I take it you’ve never seen the Michelin Man take a bath? Well take a good look ’cause my favorite song is coming down the pipe and I’m about to get jiggy with these roly-poly layers of skin!
Don’t like it when I Netflix and chill with all my topless girlfriends? That’s just you hatin’ and wishing you could be a natural born ladies man like me.
@Heather Keedy Bateman:
“Lol–I’m a little disturbed that all the dolls are naked!”
35) “This photo of my daughter walking away like a total badass.”
She’s killin’ it with those Crocs and that bubblegum pink cellphone! All that’s missing is the squirt guns, water balloon bombs, and some Michael Bay explosions going off in the background.
36) “I took a picture of my daughter, and a rap album cover happened.”
Rap doesn’t just happen. It’s all about using words to get poetic justice while you stick it to the man!
@Ninjacobra5:
“She looks like she’s about to drop the hottest album [of the year] right into her diaper.”
@MatticusXII:
“The hottest new album from Little Tykes Music Group featuring: Pacifiers And Gerbers Ft. Bad Baby, They see me Strollin’ They Hatin, Pamper Me, Gucci Gucci Goo Goo Ga Ga.”
I ain’t no Oliver Twist, and I ain’t gonna beg for any more of this foul tasting banana-peas-vegan chicken baby food! Why can’t you just bring me the T-bone like I asked, woman?
The gangsta hoodie, the pocket full of stolen binkies, the Thug Babies of Instagram selfies… Maintaining this kind of lifestyle is a lot of hard work behind the scenes!
41) He’s seen some [bleep] and is contemplating his next move
Now here’s a kid who clearly got in over his head and wants out of this life. Should he quietly escape with just the onesie on his back and an extra bottle of milk in hand? Or maybe he should he pack like he’s never going to see his crib ever again!
42) “My son was Joe Rogan for his first Halloween.”
Going by the looks of that full diaper, fear must not be a factor for this ripped little tyke. I mean, would you want to go up against him in the boxing crib?
@gnatty_gains:
“I have a cousin that gave birth to a baby with a six-pack. everyone was really worried at first because we thought it meant the baby was too skinny or somethin’, but it turned out he was just usin’ the umbilical cord as a total gym.”
Check out the cover of Baby Billy Ray’s latest country album! “Corn Pit Playground” is the smash hit followup to his first single, “The Kernel of Kentucky.”
46) This guerrilla baby is about to start a revolution. Viva la freedom!
Nuggets of wisdom by baby Che Guevara: The revolution is not a binky that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall, and then you pick it up because, well, the 10-second rule. And then you suck on it.”
After 9 months in the drunk tank this little guy is finally off the umbilical cord, but he’s still under house arrest. At least he’s dressed for the part of he breaks parole!
Any good parent will tell you that you have to start ’em young when raising the perfect douchebag. Otherwise, none of the girls will have anyone to kick in the shins when he tries to get rough on the playground!
Poor baby is still in diapers and he’s already having a mid-life crisis. He may as well just keep wearing the diapers though, because that ship will come back ’round again when he gets really old.
59) “Elijah wants you to remember what to say to your haters or anyone bringing negative vibes your way. “
Elijah has a message for all the negative Nancies out there. Don’t let him catch you pooping on his good vibes or he’ll send this little birdie your way!
Before he grew up to draw first blood, Rambo was just a sweet kid who wore girly necklaces and chased rainbows. But, that was all before they took Mr. Turtle away…
68) Daddy’s girl doesn’t take any crap during her naps
Girls are such complicated, beautiful creatures. But they’re pretty easy to understand once you learn how to read the signs their body language is giving off.
@brettski24:
“Flipping everyone off while she sleeps… ya that’s your daughter fosho“
Before Hell’s Kitchen, chef Gordon Ramsay was just a food slob like everyone else. And get this – the smug little brat never even went to culinary school!
Babies and toddlers may look all cute and cuddly when they smile and coo at you. But, not all kiddos are born with innocent halos on their heads.
In fact, some of the tiny tykes who crawl out of the womb are nothing more than punks, thugs, and world-dominating gangstas! The only rules they play by are mob boss rules, and even then they might surprise you with their cheeky lawlessness.
From the irreverent tot cop who constantly blocks in the neighbor’s car with his mini cooper, to the high flying ladies man who’s got lots of swagger, here are 75 of the most badass boss babies ever known to man.
