“My daughter, in 3rd grade, was learning about anatomy in health class.
Wife: What did you learn in health class today?
Daughter: I learned that boys have a penis and tentacles.” –Keith Bristol

This man has two options in dealing with this issue. He can either start looking for another school or he can teach his daughter the reality of a boy’s anatomy.

“My daughter asked me if we could buy a kitten and I said no because I’m allergic. Her response was “Well, you could sleep outside.”- Natalie L

This kid wanted to have a kitten so bad that she’s willing to trade her mom for it. She was even willing to make mom sleep outside. Poor mom!

“My son just got out of doc’s office where he got shots, came out crying and looked at all the other kids in the waiting and screamed “THEY HURT YOU IN THERE!”. You could hear a pin drop.” –Jeff Jones

I bet the other kids were shaking after this. They already find the idea of visiting the doctor scary. Hearing another kid actually say their fear is even scarier.

“I’d rather be weird, than be you,” my daughter, after someone said she was weird for liking reptiles.” –Half of an M&M

It doesn’t matter what others think. What’s important is that you know who you are and that you are comfortable with yourself. Weird or not, you do you.

“At Easter Sunday mass one year, the priest call children up to the altar and told one little girl that her dress was very pretty. That little girl replied (into a microphone) “Thank you. My mom said it’s a b***ch to iron.” –Karen Lang

This is why it’s important for parents to be careful about what they say in front of their kids. They have this tendency to copy what you say and do.

“Olive Garden Waitress Shredding Cheese: “Tell me when you want me to stop.”
Kid whispering to himself: “Never!” – Gabby

We all have that one thing that makes us feel relaxed. In the case of this kid, it’s shredding cheese.

“No one:
Not a soul:
My 4 year old son in a busy grocery check out line:
Dad…my peepee got bigger again.” –Marcos J

Kids don’t think before they speak. While their innocence is amusing, it can also be embarrassing at times. I bet his dad’s face turned red after hearing his kid’s observation

“So my son is brushing my hair and trying to be a stylist and after brushing it this way and that he looks at me in the eyes with sincerity and says I’m sorry Mama I can’t make you beautiful.”- Crachel

Even though this kid wasn’t successful with his plan on making Mama pretty, at least he tried. The fact that he apologized for it is quite impressive, too.

“My five year old cousin said “Did you know that England and America are having a competition to see who can mess up their country the most and America is winning.” –Vicki

At 5, it’s impressive how this kid is already aware of what’s happening around him. It’s also good that he’s paying attention to politics.

“During a lesson about healthy habits with my kidergarteners…
Me: What vitamins do you take to stay healthy?
Kid: My dad takes vitamins!
Me: Do you know what he takes?
Kid: Viagra” -Meridith Ellis

This one’s hilarious. You can really rely on kids’ honesty. Unfortunately, they can be too honest sometimes.

“Mom, when you fell down the stairs this morning… Was it fun? It looked fun.” –Killian

Kids sliding on the stairs might look fun. For older people, however, it’s a different story. I hope Mom was alright after that incident.

“I asked my friend’s little sister what her favorite sport was. In all her seriousness she said “Coloring.” Me too, kid”- Hayley Boyd

It might not look like a sport but it is what it is for this kid. I hope she practices a lot to excel in her “sport”.

“Me: Camille, do you want to wear your pink sweater over your dress?
Camille: *puts on gray sweater over her black dress* No, I’m feeling dark and stormy today.”-Adrienne Glisson

Like adults, kids have bad days, too. And for those days, they like to dress up differently. I guess parents can use that as a cue to how their kids are feeling.

“My brother died at 34 with no children but we had to explain to our niece aged 6. We said usually people that die are older. She thought carefully about this & replied “I’m the youngest. Everyone else will die before me & I’ll be the only one left & I can’t even cook.” –Liz

While kids at this age have a good idea of what death means, they don’t really have a full grasp of the concept. It’s funny how she was more worried about being unable to cook than everyone else dying before her.

“My son was trying to pee outside but nothing was happening so he quietly spoke to himself… “Come on little guy.”- Nicole Dryden

Well, you can’t blame the little kid or make fun of his pep talk. It’s hard to do your “business” when you are outside.

“When our eldest was about 4, sitting on her dad’s lap she pointed at his Adam’s Apple and said “Daddy, why do you have an elbow in your neck?”- The Other Bindi

Children are always curious. You have to be prepared with an answer all the time.

“4-year-old: Why do we have to wear shoes?
Me: They protect your feet.
4: No, they trap your feet. *whispers They’re feet traps.” –Mommy Owl

This kid’s logic is spot on. While shoes do protect the feet, they don’t always feel comfortable.

“Nephew was watching a Winnie the Pooh cartoon.
Narrator: “Everywhere I go, there is Pooh.”
3-year-old nephew: “Everywhere I go, I poo, too.” -James Roop

It’s good that this kid is listening well to what he’s watching. Eventually, he’ll learn that Pooh is different from “poo”.

“I was hugging my husband when my nephew tugged at the bottom of my shirt. We looked down at him and he says “hey, can I get in on this action?” –10ChelseaDagger

It must have been awkward for this couple. Their nephew didn’t just interrupt their moment but he even asked if he could join them.

“I was having an in depth conversation with my 4 year old niece about pokemon, when I told her that you can’t actually catch pokemon in real life, she told me” well not with your experience and attitude”, I told my brother to ground her for a month” –Emily Davidson

Well, she’s right. You can do almost everything if you have the right attitude.

“My dog Lady puppy had puppies, my son said name them all Lady so when I yell Lady all the ladies come running. He was 8” -Cristy van nest

This little boy is bound to be a ladies man in the future. He’s got the skills as early as 8 years old.

“My goddaughter slipped in her plastic and landed on her bottom. She run up to me because now “butt has crack in it.” -MJS

We all have butt cracks. It’s either she’s not aware of it or she has a new one.

“When my brother was little he ask my aunt how she make the scale go so high” –7babyduckyoongi

I don’t think the kid was being offensive. He’s just naturally curious, that’s all.

“When I was 6 years old, I remember getting my first GameBoy Advance for my birthday. I ask “if it’s called a GameBoy, why isn’t there a GameGirl?” –Raflocruzz99

I have the same question and I share the same sentiment. If there’s a GameBoy, there needs to be a GameGirl.

“This Ipad isn’t fun” -A child to her father at the ATM” –Caylas master

Not everything that works with a touch screen should be considered as an iPad. I guess someone’s kid is spending way too much time on gadgets.

“I was not kicking Brady, I was just loving him with my boot” –Gabby Bracho

Well, boys will be boys. They have a different way of showing affection.

“Do you want the baby to be a girl or a boy?”

Wylder:” I want a baby to be a Batman” -Tara Chaput

Apparently, he doesn’t want an ordinary sibling. Good luck to Mom in bringing out a superhero into this world.

“My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn’t that she is a toddler. She replied, “No I’m grown up. I’m going to touch the knives” -Jess

We often say that only adults can handle knives and sharp objects. It’s probably the reason why this kid thinks that it’s what being an adult means.

“When my son was going through drawing paints I told him it was because he was getting tall. He said “Must be aunt Becky didn’t get those then.” Becky is my older sister and I’m taller.” -Country Queen

Poor Aunt Becky. Apart from being smaller, she wasn’t able to experience that.

“My youngest daughter once said “sometimes bad thing are funny”. She also said “your soul is what you laugh with”. There are times when I think she is older than me… definitely wiser:)” –David Purzycki

There are children who seem to have an old person inside them. They speak with such wisdom that most adults don’t even have.

“I think I fart every time I see you” 5 year old. I think this is the nicest compliment I’ve ever gotten. -Grace Keller

Kids appreciate things differently, particularly this one. Instead of saying compliments, he farts.

” I told my kids never to say F word in public, unless they are with their dad.” -alychechan

This woman is allowing her kids to say the F word. They just have to make sure that they only say it when they’re with their father. I guess it’s to protect them if the F word doesn’t work.

“Shave my beard for the first time in a year. My 3 year old loves it. Told me I look handsome since I’m a kid like him now.”-Kevin Knoll

Kids don’t lie. When they tell you that you look handsome, it’s probably true.

“Went with my 5 year old on a field trip for the fire station. She told everyone: ” when we cooked brownies, the oven was on fire.” -Kari Myers

I guess the family will be closely watched by the men at the fire station after hearing this. I doubt that they’ll even consider it as a joke.

“A kindergarden class was walking past my bond room on their way to music class when a little girl says loudly “He’s following me!” And her teacher stopped and said “You’re in a line. He’s SUPPOSED to follow you.” –The Adams Bandily

This kid looks like she’s been taught excessively about social distancing. She’s complaining even if the kid behind her was just following the line. It’s good that the teacher was able to point out that fact to her.

“I pick up my dog and cat from the vet and said they’re both fixed. My kid asked, what was broken?” -Randy Sobtzak

Technically, when someone is sick, something isn’t working right in his body. The same thing is true when it comes to animals. Good thing that there are vets that can fix broken cats and dogs.

“5yo: I like drawing these cut up body parts mom! He was using stencils for the first time.” -Kayla Castillo

If you hear this from a grown-up man, it’ll probably sound creepy. Good thing that it was just a kid enjoying his first time using stencils.

“Let’s go to school, toys. Iron Man, you can be the teacher because you have armor.” – Adrianne

If Iron Man becomes a teacher, he won’t have a hard time getting his students’ attention. The only problem is that the kids will be more likely to stare at him than to focus on his lessons.

” My niece and I went to the ladies’ room in a public place. I said” After we finish, we wash our hands and fluff our hair. She said,” But my hair already looks good.” –Christine Nichols

This woman thought that she’s giving her niece a helpful tip on confidence. As it turned out, the little girl already mastered the art of looking good.

“I ask my two year old what he wanted to be when he grow up… he said “I want to glow in the dark” –Ashley Edwards

That’s a cool dream right there! I’m not really sure how he’ll be able to achieve it, but I’m betting that he can do it. As they say, you got to aim high.

“Kid: Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog? Grandpa: Why do you ask that? Kid: Because dad says when you croak, we’re going to Florida.” – Bob Hample

This dad probably didn’t realize that his kid can always ask his Grandpa to croak. He better be prepared to take them all to Florida.

“7 year old.” I’ll try the dinner but If I don’t like it, it should I just skip to the chocolate ice cream.” -Kari Myers

This kid isn’t hard to negotiate with. He knows the terms where both him and his parents will win.

“When we were younger, my cousin would often ask me: “When do cowboys become cowmen?” -Joseph Wraith

Kids know that boys will eventually become men so it’s natural for this kid to ask this question. Well, it’s probably the same with normal boys and men. We just have to wait.

“4 y/o boy with a garden hose overflowing in a bucket. Me: What are you doing? Kid: Making a rainbow.”- Matt

Most of us have done this during our childhood. I think we should still do it from time to time even if we’re already adults. It’s fun and offers positive vibes.

“After passing a wedding party and taking a picture at the park, my son said, “Did somebody die?” -Barb Ahrens

Wedding parties are supposed to be fun and lively. This party, however, must have looked gloomy for this kid to think that it’s a funeral.

“I’m probably just a good pterodactyl.” -Gabriel Omari

Kids have the wildest imagination. Well, we should all support them in whatever they want in life- even if that means supporting them while they pretend to be pterodactyls and dinosaurs.

“Mom, why did God call the guys that save the world “cops”? ” -Kari Myers

This is actually a good question. However, this mom has to point out that there are other guys that save the world, too. There are nurses, doctors, firefighters, and a whole lot more.

“Boy #1: There’s a baby in your tummy? How is it gonna come out?”

Boy#2: “Through her belly button, stupid!” –Survival Suzie

I’m not sure if their mom will be giving birth through a C-section. If that’s the case, then the second boy is right somehow. Otherwise, I think it’s best to leave it as is. They’ll know more eventually.

“9-year-old: “I like mini teacups but not regular sized teacups, unless they’re from Queen Elizabeth .”- Kari Myers

This little girl knows her standards. If it’s not fit for a queen, she won’t take it. I wonder where one can buy regular sized teacups from Queen Elizabeth.

“I came downstairs in time to hear my 8 year old son to my 5 year old son: “It’s ok don’t worry– the skin will grow back!”-Michelle Mitton

This is one good reason why you should never leave your kids unsupervised. You’ll never know what they’re up to next. I’m pretty sure this mom had a mini-heart attack after hearing this.

“Daughter: Can we go to Disney Land? Mom: You have to be rich to go there. Daughter: Like Uncle Scott? Mom: Why do you say that? Daughter: Cuz he’s got a lot of toilet paper. My new goal in life. To be toilet paper rich.”-Cougarbait

Apparently, you’ll be considered rich if you have a lot of toilet paper. I’ll start saving from now on and go to Disneyland after. I wonder what I can buy with toilet papers there.

“When my son was in kindergarten, I asked him what he learned at school one day. “I learned that the middle finger is the F word. What bad words are the other fingers?” –Voterblue

I wonder what school this kid goes to. I’m pretty sure no school is supposed to teach kids about the F word. Well, at least they didn’t teach that in my school back then.

“Food makes poop, and drinks make pee.” Words of wisdom from my 4 year old daughter.”- Marie Heine

This kid has mastered life at just 4 years old. I think she’s going to grow up smart and sensible. She already knows the basic principle of life.

“After leaving the shower my daughter asked me why was my butt so soft and jiggly and followed up the question with “Is it broke or something?” – Tiffany-Banae

This is probably the first time the kid saw a jiggly butt. I would have laughed hard if I was her mom.

“Had my daughter congratulate me for urinating in the toilet today. Then she offered me a sticker.” -Aaron Pengelly

We should celebrate successes, no matter how silly and small they are. That’s probably one reason why kids have a happy disposition in life. We should try learning from them.

“My husband (at the time) was drying off in the shower. He kept knocking into the shower curtain, while vigorously drying himself. My 2-yr-old walked in and asked, “What’s daddy wacking in there?” –Beth Pollock Burke

This is probably a talk that should go between the dad and his son. After all, he’ll be doing the same thing after a few years. His dad should offer some tips on what to do when drying in the shower, too.

“My two year old just called a canoe paddle a swimming shovel! Takes me back to how he called flamingoes pink chickens the first time he saw them, kid is never wrong lol!” –Elka Stryder

This kid may call things differently but he isn’t wrong. The paddle looks like a shovel and flamingoes really do look like pink chickens.

“Kid: Wow mom we need to get you outside!
Me: (looks up in confusion) What? Why?
Kid: because you’re letting that happen (points to my hair)
*didn’t brush and dry after washing it*” -Sanralynn

This mom probably has too much on her plate. She didn’t even realize that her hair was a mess before stepping out of the house. She needs to loosen up and get herself back together.

“My son was playing kickball and came home after getting kicked in a sensitive spot and said “I got hit in the DNA”- Wethepeople

It’s quite true. If you consider the functions of that area, you’d agree that it’s related to one’s DNA or one’s ability to pass it.

“A boy at school told my son that the shirt he was wearing made him look fat. He replied, “I was fat before I put this shirt on.” –Sherry Gangel

Usually, kids and adults would feel offended by this type of comment. This boy, however, has a good grasp of reality. It looks like no one can rain on his parade.